


Fallen

by LadyDisdayne



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, Sith Obi-Wan Kenobi, of a sort anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDisdayne/pseuds/LadyDisdayne
Summary: Obi-Wan would do whatever it takes to save Qui-Gon Jinn, even if it means losing everything he is in the process.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 102
Collections: Backwards QuiObi Bang





	Fallen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidnightDelirium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightDelirium/gifts).



> Inspired by MidnightDelirium’s art! Her tumblr can be found [HERE!](https://midnightdelirium.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Unbetaed - all mistakes are mine and mine alone

Obi-Wan’s tears burned hot and angry on his cheeks as he cradled his Master’s limp body in his arms, feeling the familiar warmth slipping away as Qui-Gon’s life slowly bleed into the Force itself. The wound was deep and jagged, unhealable even by the most skilled healer. 

The Sith laughed, his bloodshot yellow eyes sickening under the reactor’s dim light, shifting as he paced back and forth, enjoying Obi-Wan’s torment and pain. 

Maul’s slow paced taunting and wide smirk ignited something deep in Obi-Wan. The small spark began to spread, its heat flooding his senses and spiking through his veins like the rivers of Mustafar. The pressure in his chest built, seeking a way out through his perfectly crafted facade of the perfect Padawan, the learner that Qui-Gon and the Council expected him to be. 

Qui-Gon touched Obi-Wan’s cheek with one of his elegant fingers, the gesture oddly soft contrasted with the harsh reality of their reality as he instructed him to teach Anakin. 

His shields and restraint crumbled as his Master, the man he loved more than just a teacher, slipped further away, their bond fraying. The careful threads of trust and love had already begun to shred the moment his Master had proclaimed Anakin his new Padawan in front of the council, and the further Qui-Gon slipped away, the more pieces he took with him. 

His Master had already chosen to abandon him for _a child._ What kind of Padawan must he be if he could so easily be cast aside in favor of someone his Master had known for a day? He himself had to _fight_ for a place at Qui-Gon’s side, had to prove himself worthy again and again and again, day after day, week after week, year after year. 

And what had he been fighting for? To simply be cast aside the moment an opportunity presented itself? His existence was useless, a burden on his Master and the Jedi. 

Obi-Wan had never been good enough for Qui-Gon Jinn, and had let himself fall in love despite knowing that in his very core. He looked down at the man in his arms, desperate to make things right, to right the wrong of his very existence. He had never been meant to be a Jedi, and he should have accepted that as the will of the Force from the beginning. He should have just stayed on Bandomeer where he belonged. 

Pain and the swirling emotions in his heart dug their claws deep, ripping apart the remaining tatters of restraint Obi-Wan had, the rage and betrayal and _hurt_ he had caged for years finally snapping free. 

He couldn’t save Bant and had caused the deaths of countless others, friends and enemies alike. Tahl, the woman his master had loved so deeply, could have been saved if not for him, nor had he been able to change anything on Melinda/Daan. 

He has spent years fighting so hard to become a Jedi, to make the galaxy a better place, and now he recognized he had never been one all along. 

But, he realized, the Force had granted him one final chance to make things right, to make sure his Master lived and trained the Chosen One. Obi-Wan sighed, releasing his years of carefully built control into the Force, letting the fires of his agony wash over him. 

Obi-Wan’s eyes snapped open, brilliant gold, filled with fury and sorrow. He felt himself snarl, baring his teeth in the grim mockery of a smile as he stood, facing the Sith.

Obi-Wan took one last final at his Master, the man he had grown to love, and his world fractured, the Force breaking through his cracks, the power of it crackling with his anger. 

The Sith, who had long grown tired of waiting, rushed forward, his lightstaff drawn, ready to strike. Obi-Wan screamed, letting the fire and lightning in his veins break free, directing all of the pain he felt at the Sith. Light filled the room as if the space was filled with uncontrolled lightning, a deadly storm with Obi-Wan at the center. The Sith howled in agony, stopped in his tracks by whatever had erupted out of Obi-Wan’s anguish. 

Surrounded by the Force, even as dark as it was, Obi-Wan could feel Maul’s life begin to leak away. Instinctively, he _pulled_ at the strand of life, drawing it towards himself and his dying Master, a mockery of the Force Healing he had been taught as a youngling. Maul’s screams dimmed as Obi-Wan funneled that life force directly into Qui-Gon, encouraging it to heal the wound and strengthen the failing body. 

After a lifetime, the empty husk that was left of Maul’s body crumbled to the ground, devoid of life. The power surrounding Obi-Wan disbursed and he dropped to his knees next to his Master as he tried to regain even a semblance of control over his emotions. All of the pain and confusion he had felt slipped away, leaving Obi-Wan hollow, so empty his heart beat echoed in his chest. 

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon croaked, blinking back into consciousness as he shook his head, “What happened, where is the Sith?”

“Dead, Master.” Obi-Wan couldn’t find the words to tell his Master how as he gestured to Maul’s corpse.

Qui-Gon’s gaze shifted from Maul’s crumpled body to Obi-Wan’s face, concern and realization creasing his brow as he caressed Obi-Wan’s cheek. “Your eyes.” 

“I know, Master, I know.” Obi-Wan said, mournfully, bowing his head to hide the shame that was growing, replacing the emptiness with cold guilt. “But you’re _alive_ Qui-Gon. You're safe and you can train Anakin like you promised, like you wanted. And that is the only thing that matters.”

Qui-Gon shifted so he could look Obi-Wan in the eyes. Qui-Gon’s voice was cold, hard as he examined his Padawan’s eyes, “No, Obi-Wan. That is not the only thing that matters. In fact, it matters quite little.”

Obi-Wan flinched away from Qui-Gon, a new pain worming its way into his chest, twisting with the guilt he felt to fill the void there. He had done all he could, given everything he had, even falling into the Darkside to save his Master, and he _still_ wasn’t good enough. The memory of Xanatos’ own cruel yellow eyes suddenly flashed through Obi-Wan’s mind and the pain he knew his Master felt because of his long dead Padawan’s betrayal echoed in Obi-Wan’s heart. 

Understanding rushed through Obi-Wan, cold and startling. He had betrayed Qui-Gon by falling to the Darkside, no matter the reason, and he too would need to face the same justice as Xanatos, as Maul. And worse, the life Obi-Wan used to save Qui-Gon was dark itself and could taint his Master’s very life force, his very being. 

Sorrow chilling him, Obi-Wan vowed that he would at least meet his fate with grace, as a real Jedi would. 

“I understand, Master. We can discuss the consequences after I get you to a healer. Can you stand?” Qui-Gon nodded and braced himself against Obi-Wan, allowing himself to be carried out of the reactor towards help. 

Each step forward was an eternity for Obi-Wan, his exhaustion and injuries finally catching up with him tenfold after channeling the Darkside. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but notice that Qui-Gon had leaned away from him, taking most of his own weight, despite his earlier injury. Obi-Wan felt the shell that remained of his heart crumble a bit more, the fractured hollow feeling growing and spreading, consuming him with each step. He wished Qui-Gon was strong enough to end it now, instead of dragging the inevitable on indefinitely. 

They eventually met with a patrol of the palace guard, who were able to whisk Qui-Gon away to the medical wing. He declined their invitation of aid, it would be worthless to have himself healed, only to turn himself over to his Master for his execution. 

In the chaos of the Battle’s aftermath, Obi-Wan found himself alone, wandering the Palace. He was at a loss of what to do, drained and in pain, the last of his adrenaline burned trying to get Qui-Gon to safety. 

He found a small alcove in one of the empty hallways, dark and quiet where he wouldn’t disturb the rest of the Palace. There, he finally let himself collapse to the ground, curled around himself, the cold seeping into his bones. Maybe he would die here, saving his Master the indignity of having to dispatch yet another fallen apprentice. 

Obi-Wan chuckled bitterly to himself at the thought, but the laughter quickly turned to sobs, the weight of what he had done and who he had become finally crashing down around him. Burying himself further into his cloak and the niche, Obi-Wan let himself fall deeper into the sorrow and ache in his heart. He couldn’t regret what he had done, but he could mourn what he had lost. What he never should have had. 

It was to the sound of his own tears that Obi-Wan slipped into unconsciousness, burning hot as they fell. 

* * *

Obi-Wan awoke slowly, the large hand that brushed against his brow, moving his hair, was gentle and Obi-Wan instinctually nuzzled against it, seeking its warmth, a welcome respite from the cold floor. 

“Ah, I see you are finally awake, my Padawan.” Obi-Wan’s eyes snapped open at Qui-Gon’s voice, his heart pounding in fear as he pushed himself away from his Master, keeping his eyes downcast. 

“Obi-Wan, just what do you think you are doing?” Qui-Gon was firm, but his voice was laced with worry. 

“I’m sorry, Master. I—” Obi-Wan mumbled, trying to stand using the stone wall to keep himself upright. His awkward sleeping position and untended injuries had left their mark and his body screamed in protest at the sudden motion. 

Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan’s arm, “Obi-Wan, you’re hurt. Why aren’t you with the healers?”

Obi-Wan couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of his mouth, “It didn’t seem important, all things considered Master. What about yourself? Shouldn’t _you_ be getting treatment?”

“I was... _released_ this morning. I needed to find my wayward apprentice.” 

Obi-Wan scoffed at the word. He knew full well why Qui-Gon was looking for him, despite still needing medical care. 

“I understand Master. I am ready. Shall we go somewhere a bit more private?”

“Yes. Master Yoda has just arrived from the Temple and is waiting for us. He wishes to discuss yesterday’s events.”

Obi-Wan bowed his head lower, ashamed that Master Yoda had needed to waste his time, coming all the way to Naboo to deal with a foolish fallen Padawan. He had hoped he and Qui-Gon could handle everything on their own, but the damage done must have been severe enough that the Grand Master was required to deal with Obi-Wan himself. 

“Lead the way, my Master.” Qui-Gon kept a firm grasp on Obi-Wan’s arm as he led them through the Palace halls. Obi-Wan wished his Master would understand that he already knew his fate, was ready for his punishment and didn’t need to be handled like a child. A deeper part of him was grateful for the contact, the support as he shuffled down the hall.

Obi-Wan nudged at the tattered remains of their training bond, only to be met with concern and fear, before Qui-Gon’s shields slammed down around him. He flinched again, pulling at his strained body. 

“Heard much of your deeds, have I, Padawan Kenobi.” Master Yoda gestured to the Padawan with his gimmer stick accusingly. 

Obi-Wan bowed, “Master Yoda. I am sorry I caused you to come all this way.” 

The Master’s ears twitched, “Killed a Sith, you did, to save your Master. Used the Force to accomplish this, hum?”

“Yes, Master. I used the Darkside to do so. I fell into temptation and let my emotions take control. I accept my punishment, I only ask that it be at the hands of my Master. If he will agree.”

“I do not agree, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon’s rich baritone filled the room. Obi-Wan felt his shame cross his face, recognizing he did not deserve such a death. He had betrayed Qui-Gon and had no right to ask for this mercy. 

“Master Yoda?” Obi-Wan bowed his head, hoping the Grandmaster would agree, hoping that they would not force him to wait until they returned to the Temple to have his punishment doled out by an unknown guard. 

The old master chuckled, “Misunderstand, you do, young Padawan. No punishment is to be given for your actions. You have punished yourself enough, by sleeping in hallways and leaving injuries untended.”

“No!” Obi-Wan snapped, falling to his knees and bowing with his head against the cold floor. “I need to face the same punishment as Xanatos, as Maul, as any other Sith would. I have fallen _._ I could easily do it again, look at my eyes Master! They are stained as yellow as Maul’s, when he struck you down. I have been tainted, corrupted by my own rage and fear. I have never been a Jedi, should have never been taken as an apprentice against the Force’s will like I was. But please... _Please_ let me die with some semblance of honor.”

“Obi-Wan! Stop.” Qui-Gon knelt beside his weeping apprentice, holding out a small mirror, “Stop, please. Look at your eyes and tell me what you see.”

Obi-Wan looked into the mirror, into his eyes. They had turned once more, and instead of the sickly yellow he had expected, they were the familiar shade of rich green and blue, but flecked with gold, shining like starlight. The mirror clattered as it hit the floor, falling from Obi-Wan‘s hands. 

Yoda grunted as he stood next to Obi-Wan, placing a clawed hand on the Padawan’s shoulder. “You are a true Jedi, Padawan Kenobi. Even if your eyes had remained yellow, more than worthy of Knighthood, you are. Stronger Jedi than yourself have faced the trials, a mere fraction of the Darkness in themselves and failed. You have faced your darkness in full and rejected it. Used it, you did, to save the most important person in the world to you and then shattered it’s hold, setting yourself free.” 

Yoda nodded as he continued, “Come here for punishment, I did not. Come to investigate the growing darkness, I did. I will leave the rest to you, Master Jinn. A good Jedi Knight you have raised.”

Yoda strode out of the room, and Qui-Gon folded Obi-Wan into his arms, “We will need to discuss this further, after your knighting, but I am sorry I made you believe I would _ever_ abandon you. That you meant anything other than the world to me, Obi-Wan. I love you deeply, Padawan. And, even if it takes the rest of my life to prove it to you, I will do whatever it takes.”

Tears again flowed down Obi-Wan’s cheeks, this time cool and refreshing, the tangle of hurt and sorrow that had lingered began unknotting in his chest. 

“But, I…” Obi-Wan choked, “But yesterday, you couldn’t look me in the eye, wouldn’t even let me help you to the healers.”

“Obi-Wan, you were injured, your heart and body were screaming in pain, and I knew you would never accept my help outright, especially after my injury, even if you had healed me almost completely. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you further and so I did all I could to make your burden lighter. I closed myself off from you so you wouldn’t see my fear _for_ you. Never _of_ you. I had hoped that once we were found, you would let me take proper care of you.” 

Tears of his own stained Qui-Gon’s cheeks as his fingertips caressed Obi-Wan’s face, “And then you refused treatment and ran before I could stop you. The moment I could escape those Sith damned healers I did all I could to find you, my love.”

“Master, I—” Obi-Wan stuttered between his tears, terrified that it wasn't true.

Qui-Gon hushed him with a kiss, tender and consuming, “You are loved, Obi-Wan Kenobi. And I will never let you doubt it again.”


End file.
